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SAYINGS
OF THE WEEK
THE WEDDING...
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom
approached the pastor with an unusual offer.
"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to me
and the part where I'm to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'forsaking all
others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that
part out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.
It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that
part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the
groom's vows, the pastor looks the young man in the eye and says: "Will you
promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve
her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God
and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long
as you both shall live?"
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes."
The groom leaned toward the pastor and hissed, "I thought we had a deal."
The pastor put the $100 bill into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a
much better offer."
THIS WAS GOOD COPY THIS AND SEND IT TO YOUR FRIENDS;
"Where is God"
A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who
were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew
that, if any mischief
occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.
The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining
children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to
see them individually.
So the mother sent her 8-year-old in first that morning, with the older boy to see the
clergyman in the afternoon. The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the
younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"
The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth
hanging open, wide eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone,
"Where is God!!?" Again the boy
made no attempt to answer.
So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the
boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and
dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time,
dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it.!"
From Clayton in Iowa;
Subject: The Witness
This is supposed to be a true story:
A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial. It went like this:
Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running, several blocks away.
Q. Officer, who provided this description?
A. The officer who responded to the scene.
Q. A fellow provided the description of this so-called offender.
Q. Do you trust your fellow officers?
A. Yes sir, with my life.
Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer -- do you have a locker room in the police station -- a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?
A. Yes sir, we do.
Q. And do you have a locker in that room?
A. Yes sir, I do.
Q. And do you have a lock on your locker?
A. Yes sir.
Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers?
A. You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and
sometimes.......
lawyers have been known to walk through that room!
With that, the courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was
called.
The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's
"Best comeback" line and we think he'll win.
Pennies from heaven;
I always thought that it was for Good Luck, but I like this better
I found a penny today
Just laying on the ground,
But it's not just a penny
This little coin I've found.
Found pennies come from heaven
That's what my Grandpa told me,
He said Angels toss them down
Oh, how I loved that story.
He said when an Angel misses you
They toss a penny down,
Sometimes just to cheer you up
To make a smile out of your frown.
So don't pass by that penny
When you're feeling blue
It may be a penny from heaven
That an Angel's tossed to you.
This is my new moto;
"Life is short get out there and get it done, say what needs to be said,and above all live today as it is your last day here"
THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST ONES:
"WHIP LIGHT!, GO SLOW.....
PAY CASH!, OR DON'T GO!"
JACK PARKER
OTTUMWA, IOWA
FROM THE 1930'S
WITH YOUR FAMILY OF FAVORITE SAYINGS (G RATED ONLY)
and your best jokes too!
WE WILL POST THE GOOD ONES ON THIS PAGE!!
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